Day 2

Have you ever stood at the bottom of a set of stairs and wished you could just fly up them? Because you just don’t think you could possibly endure the pain that will shoot up your legs if you lift them up high enough to make it up just one...much less all 14 of them. That was me after my workout on day two. Oh I made it up...it just took me much longer than usual. I remember when I first moved into my first apartment with stairs. I'd grown up in a one level house, so I never had the pleasure of working out every time I walked up to my room. After the first week in my new apartment my legs and butt were sore for about a month. I'm guessing that it will take me about as long as that to get used to walking up any stairs after working out. I pray that it won't take as long.

As I worked for 5 hours at my average, boring job of waiting tables I thought back on my life and tried to remember the times that I was truly happy. I can up with a few major things: winning Best Actress at district One Act Play my senior year of high school, my first kiss in Clint Johnson's gameroom when I was 13, the first half of every relationship I've ever been in. I decided that my happiest time so far in my life was the summer I turned 13. My friends Shanna, Melissa, and I spent most of that summer together. Mostly at my house. We did a lot of crazy, preteen things, but the one thing I remember the most is sitting at the dining room table listening to Alan Jackson's song "Tall, Tall Trees" and every time we sang, "I'm a fool, fool, fool for you" we'd point to the middle of the table. I don't know if we were pointing at each other or the bowl of bananas that were sitting in between us, but I do know that I felt pure joy in that moment. The pure joy only three preteens can feel when they still have the comfort of acting like little kids in front of their closest friends.

I'm not saying that my life has been horrible. I have had an amazing life. I have family that loves me more than anything and I have a handful of friends that would be here for me anytime I need them. I graduated at the top of my graduating class from high school. I'm in college. I have good health. My problem is that I can always find something bad in any situation. I don't always see it right away, but I will find it. I always think things are too good to be true.

But that is all changing now. That is why I'm doing this operation. To stop seeing the world the way I have been. To love the world around me. To love me.